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Let’s talk about first dates. You know, that initial meeting where you’re both trying to put your best foot forward and impress the other person. It’s like a job interview but with more potential for awkward silences.
I remember one time I went on a first date with a guy who took me to a fancy restaurant. He ordered for me without even asking what I wanted, which was already a strike against him. Then, when the food arrived, he proceeded to tell me how to eat it. Like, dude, I know how to use a fork. And then he started talking about his ex-girlfriend, which is always a great topic for a first date, right?
But you know what’s even worse than a bad first date? A bad second date. Because if you go on a second date with someone, it means you didn’t hate them enough to never see them again, but you also didn’t love them enough to skip straight to the third date. It’s like the awkward middle child of the dating world.
I went on a second date once with a guy who was really into fitness. Which, you know, good for him, but he wanted to go for a run together. And I’m not exactly what you would call a “runner.” I’m more of a “Netflix and chill” kind of person. So, we go for this run, and I’m dying. I can barely breathe, and he’s just bounding along like a gazelle. And then he turns to me and says, “You know, if you worked out more, you wouldn’t be so out of breath.” And that’s when I knew there wouldn’t be a third date.
But you know what’s really great about dating? The stories you get to tell afterwards. I mean, some of my best material comes from terrible dates. It’s like I’m turning lemons into lemonade. So, if you’re out there dating and it’s not going well, just remember that it’s all material for your future stand-up comedy career. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll meet someone who makes it all worth it. Or at least someone who’s not a total jerk.
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