Giant Lobster Claws. Are you prepared for the invasion of lobstermen from the depths? It’s only a matter of time until the ocean takes revenge! We need to be ready! For best chances of survival, we recommend trying to blend in with these handy lobster claws!
I’m afraid it was only a matter of time. We’ve just received confirmation from our undersea correspondent that the lobsters have indeed begun preparing their forces for invasion.
Let’s be honest, the sea is full of tasty things. Shrimp, crab, lobster, clams, and more. We should have known that eating too many of them would anger the lobster underlords, forcing them to decide to rise up and attempt an overthrow of human civilization.
Because of this, everyone has been assigned a section of coastline to help defend. We believe they will mainly attack the coastline of Maine and Florida. You will soon receive one large cooking pot and these lobster claws. Your goal is to cook as many lobsters as possible before being forced to retreat to high ground.
I regret to inform you that we expect to take many losses in this invasion. We simply don’t have enough butter saved up to cook all the lobster we expect to crawl up the beaches. I’m afraid that some of you will have to settle for barbeque sauce or other inferior sauces on your lobster tails. That is why we are also including instructions on how to wear one of these claws as a hat. Doing so may confuse some of the lobsters enough to allow you to escape.